Jade Egg ~ A Girl’s Best Friend. Diary Log, # 1 by Stephanie Lafazanos
October 8, 2013 Tao Tantra Teacher Training, The Temple at the Sanctuary, Kho Pangan, Thailand
As I walk from our jungle Goddess temple back down to the beach for dinner I feel my legs tremble beneath me. Energy moves up and down my left leg, perhaps a similar feeling of trying to walk right after having a sumptuous full course meal of sex. But this feeling is not from sex, it is from sexual healing with the Taoist Jade Egg practice.
I have been dreaming of this tantra temple for over fifteen years. A place where every woman can come to learn sacred arts, heal and activate her womb-wisdom, heart and spirit. This temple is actually in all of us and is activated when women come together to heal, to discover our beauty, our magnificence. We can all create this healing temple with-in us, with our sisters and our collective wisdom.
I came here to continue to ground into myself and the earth through my favorite practise qigong, to enjoy myself and prepare to pass on these teachings to other women through my woman’s programs. Today we have begun the Jade Egg practice among many other foundational qigong practices to help us connect to the earth energy, heal our emotional body and open our hearts. Qigong’s origins emerged out of protto-Taoist shamanism. The objective of qigong was to accumulate and control as much “Qi” as possible. It is a part of a path of the Taoist shaman, becoming a supernatural warrior, living in deep communion with nature, giving them the ability to heal. I have been studying Taoist qigong now for over twelve years and this is a one month Tao Tantra Teacher Training course. We begin at 7 am and end at 9:30 pm, five days a week. The schedule is rigorous and the learning experience held sweetly by our teachers Minke DeVoss and Shashi Solluna is deep and rich.
Today I received an extraordinary healing experience from the Jade Egg. It is not my first time working with the Jade Egg but somehow I was ready to finally receive a piece of myself that I couldn’t before now. Used by thousands of years by women in sacred sexual Taoist practices in the east, the Jade Egg is a smooth jade stone in the shape of an egg. It is used for self-massage and healing of the “Jade fountain” an endearing Taoist term for our female sexual organs. We are only in the first day of Jade egg but we have been here for over a week already preparing the ground of our being, connecting with our hearts and clearing our emotional blocks. The profound healing for me has come from really listening to the Jade fountain or sexual center, not forcing the egg inside the vagina, but by listening to her wisdom and allowing her to take the egg in at her own pace.
The other women completely inserted the egg tonight and in the distance I heard their journey, but my beloved vagina had other plans for me. The wisdom of my body asked me to stay at the first gate, the opening to the sexual palace or vagina which corresponds to the sexual reflexology zone of the kidneys, bladder and sexual organs. This area responds to gentleness, peace and calm. This first gateway into the sexual palace is unfortunately often forced into suddenly before we are really ready, and that is what I have begun to heal tonight.
I spent at least thirty minutes spiraling the egg at the first gate asking “her” if I could enter. She said to stay here, and I felt myself going into the cellular memory of so many of my past experiences of rushed sex, before I was ready, before I was turned on, before I was wet, when I really meant “no”, when I was unsure and needed to know I was safe, that I was loved but never had the guts to speak up and say anything. So many memories flooded in simply because I honored her and asked her if I could enter. She needed to be heard, these memories wanted to be forgiven understood and the fear released from my tissues. I listened carefully as they came to the surface; one by one the fears were drawn deep into the center of the jade stone, my helper, my new friend.
The living consciousness of this stone, this healing tool worked in unison with my willingness to listen and hold space for the divine feminine in me to finally be heard, to be forgiven and held as sacred. She has been waiting a long time for this. I am ready to open up and to be present for her now for her to express her vulnerability, her hurt, her fear and to soothe her in peaceful waves and hold her in love.
I gently rolled onto my side with the egg inside me, resting like and egg in a tender nest made of love. The egg spoke from within me. She asked me to bury her in the earth for forty eight hours under the temple, so the fear could be absorbed by our great mother, Gaia.
I then, legs shaking, went for dinner and the rest is history.
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